Morningtime

I made the decision yesterday to stop nursing Katherine.  And really, if I think about it too much, I'll start to bawl my eyes out.  So I try not to think about it.  I just love her so much and I'm so sad that we can't continue down the path I thought we were going to follow. It's not at all what I had in mind for us when she was flung on top of my chest in the first few hours of a Sunday morning.

Lately, she's only been nursing in the morning and it got to the point where I dreaded to hear her awake cries coming from her bedroom. Things were really starting to hurt and I can't even be sure she was getting any milk anyway. It's just one unfortunate causality of having pregnancies too close together. But I'm leaning on the pride that I made it four months after I got a positive pregnancy test to get me through my grief.

And then I walked down the stairs this morning to see this scene.

She really doesn't look all that upset about not nursing, does she?  All is still right in the world.

And it struck me that as I am counting down the hours to the start of school and the return of routine, these types of snugly mornings will be limited to weekends and no school days. 

I'll be busy making lunches and packing backpacks and straightening uniforms.  I am NOT dreading it. Don't get me wrong.  But in this moment, I realized the laziness of summer isn't all bad and there really are some things I'm going to miss. On a morning like this.