I have a confession to make. It's difficult to admit this because I know I am in the slight minority.
I hate Halloween.
I know. I can hear you all gasping.
I don't like dressing up. I don't like the endless supply of cheap candy. Or the money I have to spend on handing it out to others.
I hate wasting two hours of a perfectly fine evening chained to my front door being all stressed out that I may have grossly underestimated the $18 I thought I needed to spend on bags of candy. Brian, meanwhile, is on a neighborhood beer walk "supervising" the lil' trick-or-treaters. Once again, I think I chose the wrong path.
I hate the hours wasted on the preceding days that are spent (by my artsy husband) carving intricate designs into a vegetable that will be soggy-mouthed and tossed in the garbage just days later.
But I do enjoy a roasted pumpkin seed. So I guess there's that.
I hate the classroom parties where the school and teachers think it's a great idea to stuff the kids with juice boxes and cupcakes and, you guessed it, more cheap candy before they send them home tired and on a sugar high so that they can be forced to eat a quick dinner before returning to their store-bought costume to go beg for more candy.
Then they come home and can't understand why they can't eat all of their candy RIGHT NOW. I force their sticky hands and faces in the bathtub screaming BECAUSE YOU HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW!
They wake up the next day with two less hours of sleep than they are used to and totally crashed from last night's binge. And they're asking for their candy. At 7 a.m. Have fun with that today, Teachers. Payback's a ...
And I know, I know. The pictures on Facebook and Instagram of all our little ones shoved into a monkey suit are adorable. But sometimes I wonder if it's really all that cute or just slightly cruel.
Halloween is huge in our neighborhood. Which, perhaps, has only added to my distaste in recent years. I think I liked it better in our townhome 'hood when we were lucky to get three kids at our door.
Who are you people who say "Halloween is my favorite holiday!" Seriously? Seriously?!
A juicy Turkey with all the sides. A beautiful tree with presents to boot. Or how about fireworks at dusk.
No? Really? You choose a painted face and a fun-sized Kit Kat over all that?
I don't get it.
Oh sure, I'll participate in the all the pomp and circumstance just like the rest of you. You'll see photos of my dressed-up four-pack floating around social media. And I'll answer the door with a smile on my face. And I'll steal candy from my kids' buckets.
It's all part of the secret contract we signed before they let us take our newborn home from the hospital.
But hear me now: I am not happy about it.
I hate Halloween.
I know. I can hear you all gasping.
I don't like dressing up. I don't like the endless supply of cheap candy. Or the money I have to spend on handing it out to others.
I hate wasting two hours of a perfectly fine evening chained to my front door being all stressed out that I may have grossly underestimated the $18 I thought I needed to spend on bags of candy. Brian, meanwhile, is on a neighborhood beer walk "supervising" the lil' trick-or-treaters. Once again, I think I chose the wrong path.
I hate the hours wasted on the preceding days that are spent (by my artsy husband) carving intricate designs into a vegetable that will be soggy-mouthed and tossed in the garbage just days later.
But I do enjoy a roasted pumpkin seed. So I guess there's that.
I hate the classroom parties where the school and teachers think it's a great idea to stuff the kids with juice boxes and cupcakes and, you guessed it, more cheap candy before they send them home tired and on a sugar high so that they can be forced to eat a quick dinner before returning to their store-bought costume to go beg for more candy.
Then they come home and can't understand why they can't eat all of their candy RIGHT NOW. I force their sticky hands and faces in the bathtub screaming BECAUSE YOU HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW!
They wake up the next day with two less hours of sleep than they are used to and totally crashed from last night's binge. And they're asking for their candy. At 7 a.m. Have fun with that today, Teachers. Payback's a ...
And I know, I know. The pictures on Facebook and Instagram of all our little ones shoved into a monkey suit are adorable. But sometimes I wonder if it's really all that cute or just slightly cruel.
Halloween is huge in our neighborhood. Which, perhaps, has only added to my distaste in recent years. I think I liked it better in our townhome 'hood when we were lucky to get three kids at our door.
Who are you people who say "Halloween is my favorite holiday!" Seriously? Seriously?!
A juicy Turkey with all the sides. A beautiful tree with presents to boot. Or how about fireworks at dusk.
No? Really? You choose a painted face and a fun-sized Kit Kat over all that?
I don't get it.
Oh sure, I'll participate in the all the pomp and circumstance just like the rest of you. You'll see photos of my dressed-up four-pack floating around social media. And I'll answer the door with a smile on my face. And I'll steal candy from my kids' buckets.
It's all part of the secret contract we signed before they let us take our newborn home from the hospital.
But hear me now: I am not happy about it.
Amen!! I'm not a big fan either!
ReplyDeleteAgreed!!! My husband HATES Halloween as well!!
ReplyDeleteJenny, I despise Halloween too. For the reasons you mentioned and because it's the one day out of the year teenagers (and many adults, too) feel they have some kind of unspoken permission to act like idiots with their less-than-modest costumes and gory make-up. It's disgusting, really. Thankfully, our school recognizes the disaster that is Post-Halloween and times their Fall Break on All Hallow's Eve and All Saints Day.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahahaha! Awesome! Agreed. ;)
ReplyDeleteHave to disagree here. I love it. Our kids, 4 and 1, had a blast this year. Like most things in life it's what you make of it. We let out kids stay up until 10:30 playing, laughing and watching the great Pumpkin. I've hardly seen them so happy.
ReplyDeleteHave to disagree here. I love it. Our kids, 4 and 1, had a blast this year. Like most things in life it's what you make of it. We let out kids stay up until 10:30 playing, laughing and watching the great Pumpkin. I've hardly seen them so happy.
ReplyDelete