That One Time When I Took a Two Month Blogging Hiatus

So here I am.  I'm back.  And I have no idea how to begin.  I wasn't even sure I wanted to come back.  Taking two months off of blogging is sad.  There's so much that happened that will be left undocumented -- for who?  I don't know.  Me, I think.

But a break from blogging was also kind of nice.  I worked out.  I showered.  I did laundry.  I cooked.  I cleaned.  I played with the kids.  Some days I watched all three hours of the Today Show while sipping hot coffee.  I let the burden (burden??) of writing that usually dangles over my head fade away.  The first few weeks were the hardest.  It was pulling and pulling at me and I kept thinking, "I need to get on the computer."

But it was Christmastime and it was an easy excuse.  Too much else to do.  Then January came  and I just didn't know how or where to start again.  And because the break was kind of nice or maybe just one less thing to do, I worried if I started too soon I wouldn't be able to keep up.  Maybe at this stage of my life I'm meant to be just a once-every-two-months blogger.

So for those of you who care and even bother to check in on this here web address any longer (hi, Mom!) here, in a single paragraph, is what happened while I was gone.

Thanksgiving happened.  Warm, cozy, relaxing.  Brian went to San Francisco for ten days for work.  TEN DAYS.  Some of it was OK.  Some of it was terrible.  Someone smashed into my car.  It still hasn't been fixed.  Bobby turned one. ONE!  He is a delight.  I love one-year-olds, I think.  New favorite, for sure.  We had Christmas at home.  Warm, cozy, relaxing.  Then we went on a Northern Wisconsin vacation with Brian's family.  It was amazing.  Zero complaints.  All around good times had by all.  The new year came and we were supposed to go back to school except this fierce little fellow named Polar Vortex came to visit.  The little bastard called off the first two days of school after Christmas vacation.  Things started resembling The Shining.  Luckily Brian removed anything that resembled a noose around here and replaced it with alcohol.  We pulled through alive and well.

And here we are.

January has been tough for me.  It always is.  But this year seems different.  Brian has been busy with his new job and it seems to have put a magnifying glass on my own life which seems dull and monotonous by comparison.

I just finished some photo journaling projects.  At the end of each year I gather all the photos I've taken and make both a calendar for Brian's office and a family photo album.  It's a lot of work but it's so much better than letting all those great memories remain stuck on my hard drive.  I always get a little teary-eyed when I'm finished.  My kids are cute.  And funny.  Good kids all around.  And my husband so loves his family.  Together the six of us are quirky and silly and really, very close.

I'm so blessed.  BLAH! I hate that word.  It's so overused it has lost its meaning.  But looking at those photos makes me realize what a great life I lead.  And maybe it is only because you can't hear screaming in a photograph.  Thank God for that.

Last week I got mad at Brian for something and he, rightly, called me out on myself.  Picking a fight because I just wasn't happy.  Not happy with him, just not happy period.

It's not the kids.  It's not my husband.  It comes from within my own being.  I'm responsible for my own happiness.  I've got to dig down and find that spark again.  My own meaning.

I'm not pregnant.  No longer breastfeeding.  Just a plain old mom of four waiting for the next big thing.  Only I'm not sure what that is just yet.

I made a list of things I want to do or try in 2014.  Some things that are just for me.  Things that have nothing to do with being a wife or a mother.  Because those things are GREAT things.  The most important things.  But they aren't all the things.

And so I'll be back.  Said Arnold and now me.  Sooner than later, I hope.